January 2012
57 posts
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Two Thousand Eleven, I Fare Thee Well
This post is brought to you by peer pressure, cause everyone else is sharing year end retrospectives, I gotta do it too. 2011, what can I say about you? I like the double 1’s, it’s a nice look, very svelte, and “twenty eleven” rolls off the tongue quite nicely, so you’ve got those things going for you. Beyond that though… hmmm…
2011 was my first year of...
December 2011
36 posts
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veence replied to your photo: I don’t have the use of photoshop or flash or my…
Someone help Veence! He’s being swallowed by a bear!
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Yo mama
Yo mamma so fat, everybody be like, “Man, that’s gotta be the fattest person.”
Yo mama so ugly, she was walking down the street and this dog started barking at her. That dog barks at a lot of people, but I could tell that it thought your mom was ugly. Trust me, I’m good at reading animals.
Yo mama so stank, I mean jeez… come ON!
Yo mama so sick, the...
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Biggest turn off:
When girls spray burny chemicals into my eyes just because I lept out of a bush at night and grabbed them. Way to make a first impression ladies.
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When a woman looks me in the eyes while I’m talking I say “Excuse me, my penis is down here.” >:/
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Optimists vs Pessimists
Optimists see the glass half full. Pessimists see the glass half empty. Nobody even offered me a fucking glass so you can all go to hell.
Optimists see the glass half full. Pessimists see the glass half empty. Stevie Wonder doesn’t even see the glass. I drank half, sshhh, don’t tell him.
Optimists see the glass half full. Pessimists see the glass half empty. McGuyver ...
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Daily Confession
So this came in the mail today. It’s not for me, it’s my little brother’s Christmas present. He’s 8 and he’s gotten into Dragon Ball Z Kai, which is awesome to me because he’s only about 2 grades younger than I was when I got into DBZ as a kid, so we bond over it and watch it together and talk about it. His favorite character is Vegeta, he actually does a...
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Daily Confession
All I want for Christmas is yyyyoooouuuu
to buy me something really expensive that I really really want and can’t afford myself
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Daily Confession
A few weeks ago I was in Taco Bell and it was raining really hard. One of the women who worked there was just getting off her shift. Her manager was like “Don’t you have a jacket?” and she told her that she left it in her car, so she’d have to get soaked going across the parking lot to her car. I was there waiting for my food, and I had an umbrella, so I offered to...
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Daily Confession
Mortal Kombat: The Movie
It’s one of my all-time favorite movies. It’s one of those movies I loved when I was a kid, and I can still rewatch today and enjoy. I’ve seen it a gajillion times, and without fail I can’t help but yell “MORTAL KOMBAAAAAT!” along with it. How awesome was Christopher Motherfucking Highlander Lambert as Raiden? All the way...
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Daily Confession
People always say “think outside the box”, but I think that advice is overrated. I do some of my best thinking when I crawl inside a huge refrigerator box that I found in the back of my apartment building next to the dumpster. Every day at 11:11pm I strip completely naked, crawl inside the box, seal it up and just lay inside it and concentrate deeply for several hours. I typically...
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Daily Music Post (Best of 2011)
Like most people who have blogs, I like to feel like my year end lists of things I liked matters to anyone besides me. You didn’t ask me what my favorite songs of the year are, but here they are anyway! I threw these up on 8 tracks, click the links to go listen if you want:
Mix #1: Stray’s best of 2011
The songs that came out in 2011 that I could not stop listening to. There are...
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Daily Confession
(not the actual guy… but close enough)
Was at a bus stop, middle-aged black man wearing a dirty hoodie with no shirt under, zipped down enough to expose his nappy chest hair, comes up to me…
“What’s up dog? Merry Christmas.” His upper front four teeth are all missing, he gives me a fist bump.“To you too.” I reply. “Ay dog you...
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Daily Confession
My monitor died. Goodbye old friend, we had some good times. The art making, the porn, the streaming of kung-fu movies on Netflix, the streaming of episodes of tv I missed, some other stuff, mostly porn though, we had a nice thing going on. I should’ve just called you a “porn window” instead of a monitor, because that’s primarily what you were. You will be missed porn...
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Daily Confession
One time someone left me a nasty comment on deviantart, here is the direct quote:
“what you have is junk Ive seen better atother one.Ha Ha Ha.”
Yes, “atother”. In all honesty I wasn’t bothered by this, I just found it kinda funny and weird. People are odd on the internet. Typically in real life you don’t go up to complete strangers who you’ve never...
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Maurice is listening to his ipod.
“Give...
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Daily Confession
I have an idea for a show starring me on the Food Network. It’d be called:
“I’m Not Eating That w/Stray”
I’d go to places here and abroad to try exotic foods, and they’d put a plate of food in front of me and I’d be like “Okay, so what is this?” and they’d be like “It’s a soup made with the rectums of the Colombian Caqueta...
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Daily Confession
Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime. Teach a man how to sell fish and he creates a successful seafood conglomerate that sells frozen seafood for the U.S. retail market. Yup, you guessed it, that man is Gorton’s fisherman. He’s a multi-millionaire now, and where are you? Still wandering around trying to teach random...
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666 Followers!
Please, another person follow me! Quick! Before the gates of tumblrhell open up and tumblrSatan possesses my blog!
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Daily Confession
This movie was a real bummer to me when I was a kid, and it’s only even more of a bummer now that I’m an adult. If you haven’t seen it before, Tim Allen plays some cynical advertising guy (why do guys in kid/holiday movies always have to be in advertising?) and he sees Santa on his roof one day, and he shouts at him “Hey you!” which startles Santa and he falls off...
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He just wants to get this $#!% over with so he can...
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notknaps asked: Screw you, asshole. I've got thirteen buckaroos set aside specifically to make a purchase from your collection of tees. But alas, they're all TOO DAMN FANTASTIC to choose just one out of the lot. Thanks for mucking everything up, jerk. You've just made yourself an enemy. P.S. Go burn the roof of your mouth on something delicious like pizza, you turd.
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Hello tumblr! I still exist! (and so do aliens)
I’m sure for the past couple of days you’ve been bawling your eyes out sick with grief and worry, “Where is Stray? I didn’t realize how much he meant to my tumblr dashboard until he was gone! My life has been torn asunder!” Well friends, first of all, yeesh… pull yourself together, there’s no need for the histrionics. Second of all, I commend you for your...