they call me the stray

DRAGON BAAAALLLL!!!! I actually think about this a lot. I loved that stuff growing up, and now that my little brother has gotten into DBZ I’ve been watching it all over again, and it’s still a lot of fun. I love the characters and the world. I love the mixture of fantasy and sci-fi. They have aliens and space stuff mixed with dragons and wishes and stuff like that. They’ve got dinosaurs still roaming the planet and they’ve got humanoid animals and wierd stuff like that. It’s cool shit.

As much as I love it though, every saga pretty much follows the same beats, and I’d just remake it to break that formula. I’d give the bad guys more complex agendas and objectives, I’d give the heroes more obstacles, and most importantly to me I’d let every character be useful and have something important to do. I’d do something like have all the Saiyans be out of commission, and it’s up to Krillin and the second-stringers to save the day through strategy and teamwork, haha. I’d let Vegeta finally surpass Goku, what happens then? *shrug*

You know what? I think the creators of Avatar would do an amazing DBZ reboot. That level of storytelling and fight choreography and animation, ugh, can you imagine? I CAN!

I’m such a nerd.

Oh man, one thing I think any of my friends would tell you about me is that I am an extremely persnickety motherfucker when it comes to words. I love words, I don’t feel like people appreciate them enough. There are so many of them with which to choose from, enabling us to convey the nuance of what ever it is that’s inside our skulls. So, it kind of irks me when people resign themselves to parroting trendy vague buzzwords that say so little instead of articulating a fully-formed opinion. I know this all sounds pretty pretentious, but oh well, your mom is ugly.

Hipster - I dislike words that are used pointlessly and inconsistently. Also the way this word is used often reeks of elitism. I just feel like calling any person, place, thing or activity “hipster” is usually the most uninteresting asinine trite thing you can say in most situations.

Meh - “Do you watch Fringe?” “Meh.” “Oh okay! Good talk!” Dismissively expressing your disinterest in a monosyllabic cavemanish sound just seems kind of tasteless to me. I’m trying to have a conversation over here, you can’t do me the courtesy of talking to me like a human being?

Swag - I had a friend addicted to saying this. It got to the point where he seemed to say it after just about any vaguely positive thing. ex: “See ya later.” “Swag.” That friend is probably reading this right now, and he knows I love him like a cousin (don’t worry, given time you’ll get to “like a brother” status) but that was a weird period of time. I’m glad you’ve resolved to phase it out of your vocabulary in 2012. I don’t have that much of a problem with the word itself, just the fact that people were just constantly saying it ad nauseum. Expand your lexicon motherfudgers. You’ll sound like a more interesting person if you seem to express yourself in a unique way.

Oh man, are people going to be mad at me and unfollow me if they say these words a lot? I’m sorry, I take it all back, haha, it was just a joke, it’s cool, they’re just words, I don’t really care, don’t hate me :(

Meh, hipster swag

To be perfectly honest with you, it was a long time ago, it might have been a dorito. There was for sure an orange cheesy dust residue, I remember that for sure.

If you want advice on how to get the ladies, you came to the right place man. Because if there’s one thing I know how to, it’s get ladies, like all day all the time, it’s the main thing that I do.

Here’s my simple trick; subliminal persuasion. Just engage them in a mundane conversation, and then subtley slip the word “sex” in between words. You might want to practice this out loud by yourself until you get the hang of it. Here’s an example:

“So have you heard (sex) about this SOPA bill? It’s crazy isn’t it? It’s kinda scary when you (sex) really think about it. The people who authored this bill don’t even (sex) understand the ramifi(sex)cations of what this bill (sex) would do.” etc etc, get it?

Before you know it, they’ll be like “SHUT UP AND SEX ME IMMEDIATELY!”

(disclaimer: This intent of this post is facetious, I do not actually advocate brainwashing anyone female or otherwise for any purpose. If you try this and it works though, TOTALLY LET ME KNOW!”)

Okay, I will let you say that.

He’s a skillful rap song person.

About twice as half as much as YO MAMA!

WHAAAT?

*high fives people*

SNAP!

Hm, as far as I know, the only gay thing a person can ever do, is be gay. I’ve never done that.

I’m still young though, so, ya know, who knows and stuff.

Did I? I’m sorry. Were you the one that posted gif of a man licking a vagina? Nothing personal, I just like to keep my dash all-ages, as there is a frequently an 8yr old that I am related to peering over my shoulder during my tumblr browsing, which makes sense for him because superheroes and adventure time are always popping up on my dash. Even if there weren’t a kid around though, I kind of don’t like porn being sprung on me randomly, I’m far from a prude, I just like to CHOOSE when I’m going to see porn, because some times I want to be able to have other things in my brain besides sex. This is super hard, because as you may know, I am a man. You don’t know how hard it is for me to stop myself from looking at pornographic imagery constantly, even talking about it right now is making me want to google image “huge gazongas” with the safe search off, it’s a never ending struggle to try to fit non-porn things into my life. I come to tumblr mostly for art, inspiration, pictures of cute dogs, fashion and funny things. Then I see some porn gif and I’m like “Oh GREAT! Now I gotta go look at porn now forever!” It’s like being a werewolf, but instead of a full moon it’s porn, and instead of a part man part wolf monster it’s horny. Again, it’s not personal, it’s so not personal that I’ve actually unfollowed real-life friends for posting the same kind of content. It’s just the way I like my dash.

Also I kind of hate you as a person, so I guess it’s SORTA personal.

I hope I explained that well enough and you are now not sad.

:)

Mmhm, yeah. I think you’re saying what everyone’s thinking, “That Stray guy is the coolest person, and an actual friendship with him must be the most prestigious friendship a human being can attain.”

Some times I get jealous of my friends, because they get to be friends with me, and I am me so I’ll never get to know what that’s like. Must be pretty awesome.

You’re more than welcome to apply for friendship with me if you meet the following requirements:

- You’ve read and memorized the Zombie Survival Guide

- Um… I guess that’s it. It’s really important to me that I surround myself with people who will have their shit together when the zombie apocalypse goes down.

In all seriousness though, thank you for the kind words. Every lofty compliment I get goes a long way to inflating my already obese ego.

Oh memories. I like this question, for these strangers who follow me it helps solidify my character. They now know that I am the type of person whom apparently will dance in public with another gentleman, and that when I DO dance in public with another gentleman that experience is so great that said gentleman will never be able to forget it and will always long to recreate that magic. It’s worth mentioning that this happened several years ago and he never stops bringing it up.

That’s what kind of person I am. My company will enrich your life. I make every moment priceless. I’m special you guys. So special.

Yes, Eric, if you ever come back down to LA we’ll go find ourselves a bus stop, and we will dance til we can’t dance any more (or just don’t feel like it any more). BLOOD OATH!

You know what else is taking a dip?

DEEEZ NUUUUTS!

(in ya mouth that is, to be clear)

I KID! I KID! I realize what you’re really trying to say is “Bro, I have a deep appreciation for your art, and I wish I was seeing more of it right now.” and I thank you for that sentiment. Patience my friend, when I get my computer back from being repaired, there will be so much art you’ll be like “That is a fair amount of art.”

*chin quivers*

*tears well up in my eyes*

Yes… YES! Of course I will!

Oh babe, from the moment I looked into the gray blank space where your eyes would be, I knew that you, Anonymous, were the faceless unknown man or woman I’ve been waiting for all of my life. I love so many things about you. Your smooth head, your grayness… uh, I guess those are the only two things I know about you… but I LOVE those things! I can’t wait to find out what’s going on beneath your neck on our honeymoon. My mind goes crazy wondering what your proportions are, if the rest of you is as smooth and featureless as your head, or if the rest of you is even humanoid. Rest assured that even if you’re some kind of centaur or tentacle monster I’ll still love you.

You’ve made me the happiest boy on earth today!

SIKE! I don’t love them hoes!