I’ve gotten an influx of followers the past week, so I thought now would be a good time to do some shameless shilling. In case you are unaware, I make shirts which can be found HERE or HERE. What kinda shirts? Well, stuff liiiiike…
there’s also this
and even this
You know what? Let me show you some shirts on actual humans, maybe that will better persuade you.
Look at this ruggedly handsome gentleman! (this shirt is also available on less ostentatious colors if you’re not as bold as he)
or this smaller ruggedly handsome gentleman (with an impaled tongue)!
Or this headless lady!
or this ADORABLE BABY!
Look at that! An infant promoting homicide! I couldn’t be more proud!
So, go buy a shirt and stuff. You’ll have a cool shirt, and also I’ll get to eat and renew my Netflix for another month, WE BOTH WIN!
I was watching tv and I saw this commercial about blankets that have puppets on the end of them, called Cuddleuppets. Okay, sure, why not. I guess that’s fine. But then the commercial makes the craziest statement I’ve ever heard a commercial make. "Cuddleuppets are your two most favorite things rolled up into one! A blanket that cuddles! And a puppet that plays!"
Whaaaaat are you talking about commercial? WHOSE two favorite things are blankets that cuddle and puppets that play?? Nothing against cuddly blankets or cute playable puppets, they’re both very likeable things, but “two most favorites” is a bit of a stretch don’t you think? If you find ONE child in America, whom when put on the spot says “Two favorite things? Easy, blankets and puppets! Without a doubt. Next question.” I will buy a hundred Cuddleuppets! It’s never going to happen! Maybe if your product combined candy and toys, or video games and cartoons, or cartoons and candy, or video games and toys, or candy and “my mommy and daddy”, or Happy Meals and birthdays, or any combination of those things, that would sound like a sensible “two most favorite” claim that I could imagine most kids saying. But blankets and puppets? Now you’re just trying to Jedi mind trick us into thinking something that is obviously not true.
I kinda want one though, SO CUDDLY AND CUTE!!!
For the record, my two favorite things are cartoons and boobs. For some reason I’m not really into cartoon boobs though, weird huh?
Bro, I have to issue you a super-thank you. I was proud of my JakeSuit gif, and I was okay that it only had accrued 127 notes within its limited time in the public eye. Then I saw yours. I told you it was better. You told me mine was better, and you posted it. Now it has 1,200 notes and counting. I have a couple dozen new followers and renewed drive to update my Tumblr as often as I can. You're awesome, and within a day have become likely my very favorite Tumblr-er. Thanks again, brosef.
Wowee zowee! I’m glad to have played a part in your rocket to tumblr stardom! Just don’t forget about me when you’re a big internet celebrity!
I kind of think of inspiration as more of an internal thing rather than an external thing. I am inspired to create things, it fulfills me in a way that nothing else does. Creative stimulation can come from practically anywhere, at any time.
So my Jakesuit gif is on the Adventure Time tumblr, which is super cool. It’s awesome to see all those notes, and read the nice things people say. But I noticed that at least one person deleted my caption, which was just “Follow my blog for other gifs and arty things”, and replaced it with a link to their own tumblr. It’s not the first time someone posted or reblogged my work, omitted any mention of me, and used it as a means to promote themselves. It’s mildly annoying, but it’s really more confusing to me than anything. It’s very weird behavior to me.
When I look at their blog it’s not like it’s something that really calls for promotion, they’re just reblogging random things they see and like, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but if that’s all you’re using tumblr for I don’t understand the need for a large audience for something you’re not really putting any effort into it. On the other hand there are people like Justin and Ian who share things they think are cool, and they’re awesome blogs because they focus on the content they’re posting and giving credit where it’s due, and seem to put some thought and effort into what they’re doing. Those dudes are cool dudes.
I understand the need for attention, and I don’t scoff at that in and of itself, because that’s a totally human desire, but to seek attention at the expense of others, or to try to gain attention on the backs of someone else’s work, just for attention’s sake, to me that seems almost pathologically needy.
What is the best way to destroy your tumblr enemy?
Easy, the best and most surefire way to utterly destroy your tumblr is to- NICE TRY SWORN TUMBLRSARY! (Get it? Tumblr + Adversary?) How dumb do you think I am? Thought I was just going to give up the secret to defeating tumblrsaries so you could just use it against me? Pshaw!
A better question though, is why destroy your tumblr enemy when you can just unfollow them? It’s like they cease to exist, which is just as good as destroying them.
what are the best tips and techniques for mastering the fine art of cat telekinesis? (just a subcategory in the mastery of cat wizardy, which I've heard from other sources you know a thing or two about)
Dear fellow human,
I’m sorry, but to let you in on any of the cat secrets of cat wizardry would be a violation of the secret cat pact I have with cats, and to break my vow of cat secrecy would be punishable by cat death, and I don’t want to get cat killed by a bunch of telekinetic cat wizards. Cats and I have a cat understanding, I’m one of only 3 living humans to gain the cat trust of their secret telekinetic cat wizard society. How? I can’t disclose this either.
Now, while I can’t tell you about cat telekinesis, I can TOTALLY tell you about human telekinesis. First thing you want to do is stare in the mirror and make sure you can get a nice big bulgy vein going on your forehead. Once you’ve got that down just start staring at things intensely, get that vein going, and just do that until your nose starts bleeding a little or your eyes roll in the back of your head and you pass out. Eventually you’ll be moving stuff with your mind. See the documentary Scanners for more info.
What advice do you have for the future king of an anonymous university on the east coast?
Dear Monarch of Higher Learning,
I’d say rule with a bronze fist. Iron fist ruling is sorta played out, it’s so been done to death by kings of the past. A bronze fist is still pretty hard, but it’ll be so new and different people will kind of be into it for the novelty.
Also, you got to get a cool king hat (or “crown” as some like to say). Um, a scepter, those are cool, kings gotta have those. A harem of ladies (or men) to feed you grapes or the food of your choice. Hmmm… I feel like maybe I’m just listing basic king stuff.
I’m kinda curious as to how you’re going to become king of a university. Is this going to be a hostile takeover where you go in and chop off the dean’s head or something? Because you should know, decapitation is illegal in America.
What is the best food to slip poison into in order to eliminate my foes?
Poison is for wussies, like ninjas. Yeah, I said it, ninjas are WUSSIES! Sneaking around in the shadows like a bunch of scaredy cats! Real badasses vanquish their foes face to face with cold hard steel! Only the strongest warrior deserves victory. Practice your swordplay so you can earn your triumph and stand over your fallen adversary with honor and awesomeness and then flick the blood off your sword and put it back in it’s sheath. That shit is the shit. Poisoning people’s food is for scornful wives. Is your foe your cheating husband? Just get a divorce don’t go and poison the dude!
So many bands, but I’ll take this opportunity to highlight a local favorite that my followers may not already know about.
The Color Turning
I first saw these guys way back when I was in highschool and was blown away by them and went to see them every chance I could. They’re great, and they’re the nicest dudes ever, and I really mean they’re the nicest dudes. From the start they were really friendly, even invited me to hang out in their van with them on occasion before a show. They’re also really great live. I haven’t seen them in a while and I miss their shows. I recommend checking them out.
They’re alright I guess. I don’t “hate” them or anything, but I couldn’t really see myself owning one. Unless I became the head of a crime family, or a nefarious villain, then of course you gotta have lap cat to stroke.
I prefer dogs. Look at that cat though, he’s lovin it.
How many people have you "done the deed" with? Don't try to play aloof like you don't know what I mean! I mean sex!
Jeez, stop yelling at me :(
Come on, how could you expect me to keep track of all that lovin. Allllll that lovin. That I’ve done so much of. Whoo boy. Man, so much, like… a lot. But… not like so much where it’s like “Ew, std’s probably.” But like a respectable amount that’s like “Wow, what a cool but non-sleazy guy.” Like a whole lot but not too much, what’s the best amount? 100? No that’s way too much isn’t it? Uhhhhh… ffffffiftyyyyy eight? A baker’s dozen? Eleventy deventy? Pi?
Man, when I said ask me anything I thought it was going to be like “Who’s your favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?” or something.
Is it bad that I started chuckling when I read this question?
I’m kind of paranoid that an ex-girlfriend can find this blog and read something that pertains to them. I’ll just put it this way… I don’t love them hoes. I am so kidding! Well, only kidding about the “hoes” part. They were all nice young ladies and I wish them the best, but I never dated anyone that felt like “This is it for me.”
Here’s a weird ancillary thing, I once went on two dates with this girl, and they went okay, but then she ended up having to move out of state. That was a while ago now, and nothing happened at all, but every now and then she randomly pops into my head. I don’t even often meet girls that are my type at all, but she seemed like an archetype of whatever that would be, like if I made a wishlist, she would be it, at least on the surface, I didn’t get to know her that well. And when she pops into my head I usually feel like it’s probably a good thing I didn’t get much of a chance because it spared me the embarrassment of failing miserably to make something happen. But then I feel kinda stupid for thinking about this virtual stranger I only met two uneventful times.
Sorry that this was super boring and probably not what you were hoping for, haha.
I saw this guy on the bus and he had these bright brown eyes and I was about to say to him "You have really pretty eyes." but then I stopped and imagined the sort of response that might illicit, and thought it was best to keep that to myself.
I’m a straight/hetero/cis dude or whatever other terminology you’d like to use, but I guess I don’t have a lot of the same sort of hang ups that the average dude has. I don’t consider it an odd thing to appreciate the aesthetic qualities of another male individual. Unfortunately, me complimenting this guy’s eyes could’ve been a potentially hostile situation, or at the very least a super awkward situation, which is absurd and a bummer. It’s so incredibly unlikely that he would’ve just been like “Thanks.”
Oh well. He was a handsome dude, with dreamy eyes, and I’m not ashamed to say that (on my blog), but I was afraid to say it to him, cause ya know, society and stuff.
So if you haven’t heard there’s a new TMNT movie in the works, being produced by Michael Bay, who’s said that in this new incarnation the turtles will come from an alien race, instead of being mutants. So it’s TANT rather than TMNT. Obviously nerds everywhere, myself included, are like “wtf?”
Don’t worry, I’m not going to angry nerd rant about the ninja turtle movies, I just wanted to talk about how it kind of bothers me how decisions like this are usually justified with “it’s more realistic”. I just feel like… ugh, fuck realism. It’s overrated. That seems to be the trend when adapting things to film, to try to make it as realistic and believable as possible, but I feel like if you’re dealing with something that is inherently far-fetched, why not play to that?
Viewing audiences have watched, accepted and embraced any far-fetched way out there unrealistic concept you can think of. Marty McFly traveled back in time in a DeLorean powered by a flux capacitor. There’s no such thing scientifically as a “flux capacitor”, but nobody gave two shits, because you know… it’s all made up anyway. You suspend your disbelief because it’s FUN!
The push for everything to be more real is kind of cynical, it’s saying that filmmakers don’t trust their audience to have an imagination, they need to be tricked into thinking everything is plausible. I personally think people will be okay with anything you throw at them as long as it plays by it’s own internal rules. Furthermore, people are going to be more inclined to complain about how unrealistic something is if it’s presented as something that intends to be realistic. That concern is immediately thrown out that window if the movie makes no illusion that it’s trying to be realistic. If you watch Ghostbusters, or Charlie and the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, or Groundhog Day, or Peewee’s Big Adventure, or Bill & Ted, or any other far-fetched or high concept classic, you typically don’t sit there nitpicking the realism of it because you accept that this is a world unto itself with it’s own reality.
I think in general the realism fixation is just so inhibiting, it stops Hollywood from exploring more creative and interesting possibilities. It’s fiction, anything can be real, stop breaking your neck to sell us a premise, you can literally make anything up, it doesn’t matter. There’s only so much you can do if you’re married to the idea that it has to be realistic.
I hope this isn’t too long. I cut out like 4 paragraphs, haha.
If you’re male, don’t worry about it too much dude, just dress nice, be nice-smelling and well groomed, and just have some personality and not be a total douche, you’ll be alright.
If you’re a lady, WHAAAT? You are NOT ugly! You’re beautiful just the way you are! Everyone is a precious snowflake! It’s the inside the counts! Beauty’s in the eye of the beholder! Love yourself! Etc! Etc! Etc!
No but in all seriousness, don’t feel like you’re “ugly” just because you don’t fit the image that’s marketed as “beautiful”. No matter who you are there are people dying to put their private business where your private business is. A lot of the things that are marketed to us are just straight up bogus. For instance, you should’ve seen my dismay when I learned how lackluster a real punch to the face sounds, and how hard it is to knock someone unconscious. I’m just saying, don’t try to live up to other people’s expectations.
p.s. I mean, unless you’re like really REALLY ugly, then just hide in a closet forever you hideous creature.
Good to hear! No need to thank me. See, I told you it’d be alright.
Oh… to anyone who’s a bit confused, this is the cat from last week just writing in to say that he took my advice about that Vampire and everything worked out and the Vampire is gone. Oh, and he can somehow type out cat noises and make me telepathically understand it, because cats are mystical creatures of course, along with being living Vampire alarm systems.
Really glad I could help, nice hear from you again, cat.