Dear future son-in-law,

1. Be polite and courteous at all times

2. Give her father a firm handshake, men like that. Don’t overdo it though, if you overcompensate you’ll just come off like some douche with something to prove

3. Lie about everything. It’s good to lie. Unemployed? Wrong! You’re an accounts executive… whatever that means. Ask her dad what sports team he likes, immediately say you love that sports team too! He asks you where you’re accounts executive for, tell him for NASA. Super impressive.

4. Don’t take a dump in their restroom.

5. If you’re sleeping over make sure you have really loud sex with their daughter, that way they know that you will be able to satisfy her and that they will also have grandkids soon.

6. Tell them you fought in the war before you came home to become an accounts executive for NASA. When they ask which war, say “All of them.” Don’t forget to mention you earned a purple heart, and that while your left arm may look very lifelike it is actually a robot arm with a very realistic flesh covering.

7. Before you go on this trip, learn to be fluent in dog or cat, in case they have either, you can talk to them. Win over the pets, win over the parents. Rule of thumb.

8. If the father grows suspicious of your lies and starts to ask too many questions you can’t answer, rip your shirt off and wrestle him.

9. Tell them that aliens are real and you’ve talked to them at your NASA job, it’s highly classified, but you feel comfortable telling them because you trust them so much.

10. Did I mention don’t take a dump in their bathroom? You don’t want to stink up another man’s bathroom, sets a bad impression.

GOOD LUCK!

-Stray