That is me in red with my mommy. Not now though. This picture was taken like a long long time ago. Just in case you haven’t seen current pictures of me, I don’t look like that anymore. I’m WAY bigger now. Also I don’t wear one piece jumpsuits so much anymore. Still the same amount of adorable though. Okay maybe slightly less adorable, but I make up for it with being more sexy now. Not that I’m SUPER sexy right now, but I know for sure that I’m sexier now then I was then, because I’m not as small and child-looking. I mean look at me in that picture… not very sexy right?

Enough about me. That lady in white is my mommy, she’s still the same size, but just older looking, and I don’t call her mommy anymore, I call her “mom”, as she insists. I love my mom and you guys all have her to thank that I am not a serial killer. That’s what being a mom is all about, making sure your small humans don’t grow into bigger humans who have a compulsion to murder other humans. It’s a hard job, because as we all know humans are monsters by nature and we come out of the womb instinctively wanting to destroy all other living things, luckily we’re too weak and stupid in our baby forms to harm anyone. It’s up to our mothers to love and nurture us enough that we lose the urge to cut people’s limbs off and eat them. Good job mothers, society is in your debt. All you moms who follow me I want to thank you for your diligence.

I also want to give a special shout out to single moms. Especially hot single moms. Especially hot single moms in the Los Angeles area. Especially hot single moms in the Los Angeles area preferably in their twenties. As a (single) man I just want to praise you women for making it work on your own, I commend your strength and your perseverance. I have lots of respect for you and think we should hang out. Message me your number.

-Stray

p.s. If you’re wondering “Hey, what about fathers? Isn’t it their job to prevent serial killers too?” No. It’s not. It’s a father’s job to make sure that IF a child does show signs of future serial killer behavior to teach them a code that only allows them to murder other murderers and evade the law. But that’s another post I’ll save for Father’s Day.