My local library has just hired two new librarians, and they are both HOT LIBRARIANS. As if I didn’t already love going to the library enough as it is!

How do I hit on a librarian? You know that type of person that doesn’t even look at you when they’re doing their job? They’re like that. It’s kind of intimidating to me. I don’t like to try to talk to someone who won’t even make eye contact with me. Let me try out some possibilities on you guys:

- Excuse me, do you guys have the book “A Definitive Guide to Penis Reduction”? Or anything else on that subject that I could check out?

- Excuse me, can you please assist me with the DO ME decimal system? Heh heh. Get it? Like Dewey decimal system, except I said “do me”, Like, ya know, sex and stuff… heh… *ahem* Okay, I messed up, let me start over again. Excuse me… I… love you?

- Excuse me, has anybody ever used the ol “Can I check YOU out?” line on you? Yes? Fuck! Um, will you go out with me please?

- Excuse me… (in this scenario hopefully they just look up at me, see that I am beautiful, and immediately fall in love with me without me having to say anything else)

- Excuse me, I was here yesterday and that other new librarian was saying how she’s the hottest librarian here, but I think that clearly you’re the hottest one. I think if we started dating that would totally prove her wrong. Also, I love you.

- Excuse me, I love you.

- Excuse me, do you have the book “How to Make Sweet Sweet Passionate Love to Librarians for Dummies”? Oh? That’s not a real book. Hm. How else could I learn that… hmmmm… I wonderrrr….

- Excuse me, you dumb stupid fat ugly bitch, how’s about we go on a date someti-Whoa! What’s with the attitude!? Stop yelling! I was just “negging” you! Women love to be put down a little bit, I read that in a seduction book! Okay, maybe I overdid it a little bit, but lighten up. So… how’s about that date? What? Aw, c’mon. There’s no need to get security involved.

- Excuse me, I’d like to check this book out. Just started working here? Do you like it? That’s cool. I kinda love the library, I consider it my home away from home. My name is Jeff by the way. Nice to meet you, that’s a pretty name. You’ll probably be seeing a lot of me around here :) Oh, before I forget, can you check in your computer if you guys have the book “A Definitive Guide to Penis Reduction”? I really wish my penis were smaller. The problem isn’t that it’s too big that it’s uncomfortable or anything, it’s fine, and ladies usually find it very pleasurable, but… I feel like I can never know if anyone really loves me for me :( I don’t want someone to be with me just because of my huge penis and amazing sexual prowess. Ya know?

Those are just some ideas. Thoughts?