This one time, a few years ago, this friend of mine wanted to commission me to do some drawings for this like feminism thingy being held on her campus. I guess it was supposed to be like a fun thing celebrating women, and there’d be art, and music, and other stuff I guess, I don’t know. What she wanted me to draw, were big close-ups of vaginas. Yeah.

I was like sure, not thinking much about it. I mean, seemed easy enough… google image some vaginas and then draw them on some big papers. I was young and eager to have my art be shown anywhere, I was/am also down with feminism. Plus, ya know, there were BOUND to be a lot of female humans there, and if I was showing art I’d perchance be a person of interest for them.

Then when I really started to think about it I began to wonder why the hell I ever agreed to do this. Chief among my trepidations… I am a man. Would it not seem a tad skeazy, if I, a man, were at this celebration de la femme with a buncha big ol’ vagina drawings? “Hey ladies, I’m Jeff, proud penis owner, an I heard you were celebratin ya womanliness, so I thought I’d come on over and show off a buncha big ooooool’ vajay jayyys! Cause thats whats wimmenz is to me. I’ve paid artistic tribute to you by reducing you to your reproductive organs. Nice right?” That’s kinda how I was imagining me coming off to them. And I wouldn’t have blamed them.

This thing wasn’t even my idea, a girl had asked me to do this, she thought it would be interesting, but didn’t have artistic skill, and I guess she didn’t know any female artists and asked me to do it? It was her creative vision though, what was being expressed by a series of large vagina close-ups was all in her head, not mine. Even if these women didn’t immediately think I was an asshat, they quickly would if they started asking me questions about the pieces. I wouldn’t even know how to fake it, I’m not a person who really comes up with a lot of deep meaning to the things he creates, you’ve seen the work I do, it’s cartoon animals and miscellaneous fan art, I’m not very big on conveying nuanced messages. I’d probably sound really stupid trying to concoct some disengenous spiel about vaginas and empowerment or whatever, because I don’t have one of those things, so I really can’t speak from a legitimate authentic authoritative place about it. I can only speak of them as an obeserver/admirer, which would probably sound way creepy. What could I say besides “Uh, well this girl told me to.”

To be honest with you… I don’t really find anyone’s sex organs to be aesthetically appealing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of vaginas, they’re uh… ya know… fun, to say the least. But I wouldn’t necessarily say I care to just stare at them. Some people find them beautiful, or arousing, and that’s totally okay, fine, normal, healthy, and etc, I just personally think everyone’s junk, female or male, looks kinda silly and weird. But then again, some times I have the detachment of someone not from this planet and every other thing about humans seems bizarre to me.

Long story short, the next time I talked to her I asked her if I could do something different, something more “on the nose” so to speak, like different portraits of important historical women or something. She informed me that the whole thing had fell through and had been put off indefinitely until… I don’t know, what ever needed to change, changed.

So, that’s the story of how I almost drew a bunch of big ol’ vaginas for a feminism event.

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