I was always taught to think that a man should do certain things like open a door for a woman, pull out her chair, let them out of a car, pay for dates, etc, because that’s what gentlemen do. But through tumblr I’ve been seeing that feminists have a problem with this. But I feel like most women expect this behavior still, so I don’t know how to go about respecting women. What does Stray do?

I was always taught to think that a man should do certain things like open a door for a woman, pull out her chair, let them out of a car, pay for dates, etc, because that's what gentlemen do. But through tumblr I've been seeing that feminists have a problem with this. But I feel like most women expect this behavior still, so I don't know how to go about respecting women. What does Stray do?

Asked by Anonymous

Dear Dude,

The ol’ “chivalry” thing ay? As a very pragmatic person I’ve never been a big fan of dumb arbitrary social customs. Before I even heard the term “feminist” I thought the idea of treating women like they’re dumb babies under the guise of being “a gentleman” was illogical and patronizing to women no matter how much some of them expect/enjoy that behavior.

Seriously what is the point of making a woman sit in the passenger seat until you let her out? What does that have to do with anything? Even though I know you are perfectly capable of getting out of this vehicle, just sit there like you can’t while I get out and set you free, because that means I’m a good man for some reason. The thing about stuff like that is it doesn’t really prove anything, because a lot of dudes who cling to those antiquated customs also cling to other misogynist beliefs about a woman’s place. There are dudes who will pull out your chair at a restaurant, but they’ll also demand you don’t have guy friends, or they’ll smack you up if you get out of line, these are examples I’ve witnessed myself.

But look, here’s what I do, I treat everyone nicely, vaginas or no vaginas. That way I’m covered. I’m not pulling out your chair or letting you out of a car though because that has nothing to do with being nice, and I hate doing things that are dumb for no reason. If I’m going to do that I might as well lay your napkin on your lap, and cut your food for you, and carry you to the bathroom and wipe your bottom when you go poopies, it’s the same thing. I think what some people don’t understand is that a lot of those old “chivalrous” customs stem from a time when women were treated like property and were not expected to do anything for themselves, or speak when not spoken to, or vote, or do anything else besides cook, clean, bear children and say “yes dear” no matter how they felt about something.

As far as dates go though, I think if you offer, then you should probably treat. I don’t think that should be a rule or anything, but I think it’s the nice thing to do no matter who you’re taking out to eat. Honestly though, in my own experiences, I haven’t met many women who will even allow me to pay for them.

As far as treating women good goes, I think there are way more important things to be doing besides empty gestures. Like not calling them sluts when they have a sex life, or not saying they asked for it when they get victimized. Sorry to get all serious, but I think people’s priorities are way off if we’re concerning ourselves with so-called chivalry.

*gets off-a-da soap box*

That was way too many words wasn’t it?

-Stray